"Isang Hiling: Sana Ako Rin ang Pinipili Mo" (BL STORY)

May mga taong darating sa buhay mo bilang liwanag.

May darating bilang bagyo.

At may iilang darating bilang tanong na hindi mo kayang sagutin kahit ilang taon ang lumipas.

Para kay Nate Villarosa…

ang tanong na ’yon ay si Cameron Rivas.

Ang lalaking minsang nagpaniwala sa kanya na sapat siya,

at siya ring nagparamdam sa kanya na hindi siya kailanman magiging “pinili.”

At ngayong bumalik si Cameron sa buhay niya sa pinaka-walang hiyang paraan,

masakit man, hindi naiiwasang bumalik ang lahat.

Lahat-lahat.

9:26 PM, Makati

Umuulan. Naka-hoodie si Nate, kagagaling sa overtime sa architecture firm.

Pagod na pagod siya, gusto niya lang umuwi, maligo, at humanap ng katahimikan.

Pero bago siya makapasok sa condo lobby, may lalaking nakasandal doon, nakayuko, hawak ang isang envelope na nababasa ng ulan.

At nang tumingin ito pataas…

"Nate…"

Cameron.

Mas gwapo pa rin, mas mature, mas may bigat sa mata.

Ang lalaking iniwasan niyang isipin nang tatlong taon.

Ang lalaking tinulungan niyang maghilom, pero pinili pa ring umalis.

Ang lalaking minahal niya kahit araw-araw nitong ipinapaalala na “hindi pa tamang panahon.”

Nate froze.

“A-anong ginagawa mo rito?”

Cameron tried to smile. Halatang kinakabahan.

“Pwede ba tayong mag-usap?”

“No.”

Diretso.

Mabilis.

Parang kutsilyong walang pagdadalawang-isip.

Cameron flinched.

“Kahit sandali lang—”

“Cameron, hindi ako charity.”

Nate turned to the door.

“Kung kailangan mo ng pera, ng tulong, ng—”

“Ikaw ang kailangan ko.”

Nate stopped.

Marahang lumingon.

“Don’t,” Nate said sharply.

“’Wag mong gamitin ’yang linyang ’yan. Hindi na ako naniniwala.”

Cameron stepped forward.

“Nate—please—”

Pero umatras si Nate, parang kaunting lapit lang ay babagsak na naman siya sa dati nilang gulo.

“Ano gusto mo?”

Nate spat the words bitterly.

“Closure? Redemption arc? Or gusto mo lang masabi mong ginawa mo na dapat mong gawin after mong iwan ako nang walang kahit anong paliwanag?”

Cameron shook his head, rain running down his face.

“I didn’t leave because I didn’t care.”

Nate scoffed.

“Funny. Kasi ’yan mismo ang emosyong naramdaman ko for three years.”

“Nate…”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“But I owe you everything.”

And doon… natigilan si Nate.

Cameron’s voice trembled.

“Nate… pwede ba kitang pakiusapan? Kahit ngayon lang. Kahit lima lang na minuto. Pakinggan mo lang ako.”

“No.”

“Please…”

“NO.”

The door was about to close behind Nate when Cameron suddenly burst out:

“May sakit ang kuya ko.”

Nate froze.

Cameron swallowed hard, voice cracking.

“Bigla siyang bumagsak kanina. We don’t know why. They rushed him to the hospital.

And the only person he asked for was you.”

Nate blinked.

“What…? Bakit ako?”

“Kasi ikaw ang nagligtas sa kanya noon.”

Cameron’s voice shook harder.

“Ikaw ang reason bakit gumaling siya nung huling atake niya.

Ikaw ang dahilan bakit buhay pa siya ng dalawang taon.”

Nate’s heart stirred, though he refused to show it.

“You could’ve texted,” he said coldly.

“I did.”

Cameron looked defeated.

“I sent messages. You blocked me.”

Nate looked away.

“May dahilan ako.”

“I know.

And I deserved that.”

Silence.

Rain.

Breathing that felt like breaking.

Finally, Nate whispered,

“Ano kailangan mo?”

Cameron held out the wet envelope.

Nanginginig ang kamay niya.

“Kailangan niya ng caregiver sa bahay.

Ayaw niya ng kahit sino.

Ikaw lang.”

“And why,” Nate snapped,

“would I help your family? After everything you did?”

Cameron closed his eyes, pained.

“Kasi meron pa ring natitirang kabutihan sa’yo kahit sinaktan kita.

At kasi… alam kong kahit galit ka sa akin—hindi ka galit sa kuya ko.”

Nate clenched his jaw.

Damn him.

Damn him for knowing Nate too well.

“And…”

Cameron continued softly,

“…dahil hindi ko kayang gawin ’to mag-isa.”

Nate’s breath hitched despite himself.

“I’m scared, Nate.”

Cameron’s voice broke completely.

“I’ve never been this scared in my life.”

Nate looked at him… and for the first time, nakita niya ang Cameron na totoong tao—hindi poster boy, hindi confident, hindi perfect.

Hindi ang Lalaking Unattainable.

Just a man.

Breaking.

“Please…” Cameron whispered.

“Ayaw kong mawala ang isa pang taong mahal ko.”

Nate’s eyes widened a little.

Pero bago niya masabi ang kahit ano—

“Don’t misunderstand,” Cameron added quickly,

“I didn’t come here to fix us. Hindi ako umasa na papatawarin mo ’ko.

I came because I don’t know where else to run.”

For the first time…

Cameron didn’t reach for Nate.

He didn’t beg.

He didn’t push.

He just stood there, getting soaked in the rain, trembling, waiting.

Nate sighed harshly.

“Okay,” he whispered.

“One night. One check-up.

Nothing more.”

Cameron exhaled shakily—relief flooding his face.

“Thank you… Nate… thank you—”

“But listen to me carefully.”

Nate stepped closer, voice low and sharp.

“Kung naisip mo lang akong puntahan kasi wala ka nang ibang choice… kung ginagamit mo lang ako dahil ako ang madali… kung ginagawa mo lang ’to para hindi ka mukhang masama—”

He looked straight into Cameron’s eyes.

“—hinding-hindi kita papatawarin kahit mamatay pa ako.”

Cameron swallowed hard, nodding without protest.

“I’m not using you.

This isn’t about me.

This is about him.”

Nate stared at him for a long moment.

Then finally,

“…Let’s go.”

Hospital Room

10:42 PM

Tahimik ang loob.

Dimmed lights.

Machines beeping softly.

Nandoon ang kuya ni Cameron. Mahina pero gising, naka-recline, nakangiti nang makita si Nate.

“Nathan…”

bulong nito.

“Buti… pumunta ka.”

Nate approached with controlled professionalism, pero hindi niya napigilang malambot ang tingin.

“Kumusta ka?”

“Mas okay na,” sagot nito.

“Salamat… lagi ka namang nandito pag kailangan kita.”

Cameron looked down—ashamed, guilty, watching the two people he hurt in different ways.

Habang chine-check ni Nate ang vitals, lumabas sandali ang kuya ni Cameron para i-update ang nurse.

Leaving Nate and Cameron alone.

At doon natapos ang katahimikang kanina pa nila pinipilit.

Nate didn’t look at him.

Busy siya sa chart, sa IV, sa kung anu-ano… kahit alam niyang sa likod niya nakatayo si Cameron, hindi gumagalaw, tahimik pero halatang gustong lumapit.

“Neo—”

“Don’t.”

Nate cut him off.

“Trabaho ang ginagawa ko.”

Hindi umimik si Cameron.

Hanggang sa hindi na niya kaya.

“Nate… I know I lost the right to ask you anything.

Pero pwede ba kitang tanungin ng isa?”

Nate didn’t turn.

“Anong tanong?”

Cameron’s voice cracked.

“Kahit kailan ba… pinili mo ’ko?”

Nate froze.

Humigpit ang hawak niya sa chart.

“Wala ka nang karapatang itanong ’yan,” Nate whispered.

“Alam ko.”

Cameron stepped closer—one step only.

“But I need to hear it. Kahit masakit.”

Nate finally turned, eyes sharp, wounded, burning.

“Pinili kita araw-araw.”

His voice shook.

“Araw-araw, Cameron. Kahit hindi mo ako pinipili pabalik.”

Cameron flinched like the words were knives.

“And still,” Nate continued,

“umalis ka. Iniwan mo ako. Pinaniwala mo ’kong sapat ako—pero sa huli ikaw rin ang unang lumayo.”

Cameron’s tears fell silently.

“Nate… I’m sorry.

Natatakot lang ako noon.”

“Sa ano?” Nate demanded.

“Sa commitment? Sa feelings mo?

O sa chance na baka mahalin mo rin ako tulad ng mahal kita?”

Cameron lifted his head—eyes full of regret.

“Sa chance na baka masaktan kita nang mas malala pa.

At sa huli… nagawa ko pa rin.”

Silence.

Heavy.

Suffocating.

“Kaya kita iniwan,” Cameron whispered,

“dahil mahal kita.

Pero ngayon ko lang na-realize na ang iniwan ko… ay hindi lang ’yung relasyon natin.

Iniwan ko ’yung taong hindi ko kayang mawala.”

Nate’s voice faltered.

“Cam…”

“Nate…”

Cameron stepped closer—gentle but trembling.

“Kung may hiling lang ako…

sana ako rin ang pinipili mo.

Kahit ngayon lang.

Kahit huli na.”

Nate couldn’t breathe.

Memory after memory hit him like waves.

Their laughter.

Late-night coffee.

Almost-confessions.

Almost-kisses.

Almost-us.

Lahat nang halos naging sila…

pero hindi naging sila.

Nate whispered, broken:

“Anong gusto mong gawin ko?”

Cameron inhaled shakily.

“Please…

hayaan mo ’kong ipakita na kaya ko na ’yung hindi ko kinaya noon.”

Nate trembled.

“And if I let you?

What happens if I choose you again, Cameron?”

Cameron’s answer was immediate.

Sure.

Desperate.

True.

“Then I’ll fight for you.

Kahit ilang beses mo ’kong itulak.

Kahit ilang gabi kitang alagaan.

Kahit ilang taon ko hintaying mahalin mo ulit ako.”

Nate closed his eyes, breathing hard.

Then—

Knock, knock.

The kuya entered.

At parehong naputol ang sandaling iyon.

But before Nate could walk away, Cameron whispered behind him…

“I’ll wait for your answer.

Kahit gaano katagal.

Kahit kailangan kong masaktan.”

And the last frame of Part 1 ends with Nate gripping the doorknob—

shoulders shaking,

eyes full of something dangerous and fragile.

Because for the first time in years…

Hindi siya sigurado kung kaya pa niyang hindi piliin si Cameron.

Pagkatapos ng gabing iyon sa ospital, hindi na nakaalis sa isip ni Nate ang sinabi ni Cameron.

“Kung may hiling lang ako… sana ako rin ang pinipili mo.”

Masakit.

Maganda.

Delikado.

Isang hiling na kayang baguhin ang buhay nilang dalawa.

Pero hindi agad pumayag si Nate.

Hindi niya kayang bumalik basta-basta.

Hindi niya kayang sumugal nang hindi sigurado kung tatanggapin siya o iiwan ulit.

Three days passed.

Tatlong araw na puno ng tahimik na pag-iwas.

Tatlong araw na halos araw-araw nasa ospital si Nate para sa kapatid ni Cameron… pero hindi niya kinakausap ang mismong taong dahilan ng pagtibok ng dibdib niya.

Cameron, on the other hand, never pushed.

He stayed quiet.

He watched Nate from afar.

He waited.

Every day, ang tanging binibitawan niya lang ay mga linyang halos bulong:

“Good morning, Nate.”

“Thank you sa pagpunta.”

“Salamat sa pag-aalaga sa kuya ko.”

“Ingat ka pauwi.”

Walang pilit.

Walang pwersa.

Pero nakakasakal ang pag-iingat niya.

Parang lalaking natutong maglakad sa bubog para hindi masaktan ang taong nasa harap niya.

Day 4

8:17 PM

Nate just finished checking the IV.

Tahimik ang kwarto—puro beep lang ng machine at paghinga ng pasyente.

“Salamat ulit,” the kuya whispered.

“Alam kong busy ka.”

Nate smiled softly.

“Gagawa po ako ng oras para sa inyo. Huwag kayong mag-alala.”

Cameron stood in the corner, hands in his pockets, watching Nate with a gaze too soft, too longing.

Halatang gustong lumapit pero pinipigilan ang sarili.

Nang lumabas sa hallway si Nate, doon na sumunod si Cameron.

But this time…

“Nate…”

hindi pakiusap ang tono.

Hindi pagmamakaawa.

Hindi takot.

May lakas.

May determinasyon.

May lungkot na puno ng pag-asa.

Nate didn’t turn.

“Ano na naman?”

Cameron exhaled shakily.

“I just… I want to thank you.

Again.”

“You already have.”

“I know.

Pero hindi iyon sapat para sa ginawa mo.”

Nate finally faced him.

“Cameron, ano ba talaga gusto mo?

Sabihin mo nang deretsahan.”

Cameron stepped closer.

Hindi agresibo.

Hindi rin duwag.

“Gusto kong humingi ng tawad.”

His voice cracked.

“Hindi dahil kailangan ko, kundi dahil deserve mo marinig.”

Nate’s throat tightened.

Cameron continued, voice trembling:

“Naiwan kita noon kasi duwag ako.

Takot akong masaktan ka.

Takot akong hindi maging sapat.

Takot akong mahalin ka nang buong-buo.

Takot sa sarili ko.”

He looked straight into Nate’s eyes.

“Pero ang hindi ko inisip… mas nasaktan kita dahil sa ginawa ko.”

Nate clenched his jaw.

“Alam mo naman pala. Ba’t hindi ka bumalik?”

“I tried.”

Tears welled in Cameron’s eyes.

“God, Nate, ilang beses ko sinubukan.

Pero every time I was about to come to you… I’d panic.

I’d remember how much you loved me…

and how easily I could break you again.”

Nate felt that.

Deeply.

“So tumakbo ka?”

His voice shook.

“Again?”

Cameron’s tears fell.

“Yes. And that’s the biggest regret of my life.”

Silence.

Heavy.

Painful.

Then Nate spoke, voice quiet but cutting.

“Sa lahat ng tao sa mundo… bakit ako pa?”

Cameron didn’t hesitate.

“Because you’re the only one who ever made me want to stay.”

Nate’s breath caught.

Cameron continued, voice cracking:

“Sa dami-dami ng taong nakilala ko… ikaw lang ’yung hindi ko nakaya kalimutan.”

Nate swallowed hard.

“Cam…”

Cameron shook his head.

“Hindi na ako lalapit kung ayaw mo.

Pero please, Nate…

hayaan mo kong ipakita kahit konti lang na kaya kong piliin ka ngayon.

Hindi dahil kailangan kita…

kundi dahil mahal kita.”

Dahan-dahang lumapit si Cameron.

“One chance.

Hindi relationship.

Hindi label.

Hindi future agad.”

He took a breath.

“One chance lang… to make things right.”

Nate stared at him—hurt, torn, terrified.

“And if I say no?” Nate whispered.

Cameron’s voice softened into something heartbreaking.

“Then I’ll let you go.

Completely.

Habang buhay.”

Nate’s chest tightened.

Because he knew:

Hindi pa siya handang bitawan si Cameron.

Kahit gaano kasakit.

Kahit ilang sunog ang tinawid niya noon.

Pero bago pa siya makasagot—

Tumakbo palabas ang nurse.

“Sir! Nagigising po ang patient!”

Pareho silang napatigil.

The kuya, breathing heavily, tried to speak:

“Cam… la—lapit…”

Cameron rushed to him, panicking.

“Ako ’to, kuya… I’m here.

Nandito ako, hindi kita iiwan.”

Nate watched quietly as Cameron held his brother’s trembling hand.

For the first time, nakita niya ang Cameron na mahal niya noon:

Hindi perfect.

Hindi malakas.

Hindi unreachable.

Just a man.

Loving so hard it broke him.

Two hours later, stabilized ang patient.

Nagpahinga na ang kuya.

Nate filed the charts, pagod, drained, emotionally wrecked.

Paglabas niya ng kwarto, tahimik na nakaupo si Cameron sa hallway floor, nakasandal sa pader, mukha pagod, nanginginig ang kamay.

“Cam?”

Cameron looked up.

“Nate…”

His voice was raw.

“Akala ko mawawala siya.”

Nate knelt beside him.

“Huwag ka munang matakot. Stable siya.”

Cameron shook his head.

“That’s not the fear I’m talking about.”

Nate frowned.

“Ano ibig—”

Cameron’s eyes locked with his.

Vulnerable.

Open.

Terrified.

“Natakot ako kasi…

kung nawala siya,

baka hindi ko na kayanin…”

He swallowed hard.

“…at baka mas lalo kitang hindi deserve.”

Nate stared at him.

And something inside him—

yung pinakamatigas, pinakaayaw bumigay—

unti-unting natunaw.

“Cam…”

Cameron looked away, wiping his tears.

“Nate, I know I messed up.

I know you hate me.

And I accept that.

Pero please… please…

huwag mong sabihin na hindi mo na… hindi mo na ako mahal kahit kaunti.”

Nate inhaled sharply.

Cameron continued, voice trembling.

“Sabihin mo kahit isang beses lang…

kahit ngayon lang…

para alam kong hindi ako nag-iisa sa paghawak.”

Silence stabbed the space between them.

Then Nate whispered—

“Hindi kita kayang mahalin ulit… kung hindi mo ko kayang bitawan.”

Cameron froze.

“What do you mean…?”

“I mean,” Nate said softly,

“kung mahal mo talaga ako…

hayaan mo akong pumili nang hindi mo ako hinihila.”

Cameron swallowed.

“And if you choose someone else?”

Nate looked at him—sharp, tearing, aching.

“Then that will be the price of holding on too late.”

Cameron closed his eyes, heart shattering.

“But what if…”

he whispered,

“…what if ikaw pa rin ang pinipili ko kahit araw-araw akong nasasaktan?”

Nate’s voice cracked.

“Then that’s the price of loving me.”

Cameron looked at him—broken and in awe.

“Nate…”

Nate held his gaze.

“And what if ako…

kahit anong gawin ko…

ikaw pa rin ang hinahanap ko tuwing gabi?”

Cameron’s breath trembled.

“Then…”

his voice softened into a whisper,

“…baka may pag-asa pa tayo.”

For the first time,

Nate didn’t look away.

Cameron leaned closer—

not touching,

not assuming,

just waiting.

“Nate…” he whispered,

voice barely hanging on,

“please… piliin mo ’ko kahit isang beses lang.”

Nate exhaled shakily.

“I’ll choose you,” he whispered.

Cameron’s eyes widened, filling instantly.

“…but not tonight.”

Cameron almost sobbed.

Nate continued softly:

“I’ll choose you…

kapag kaya mo na ring piliin ang sarili mo.

At hindi lang ako.”

Cameron bowed his head, crying silently.

Nate placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Cam…

I’m not asking you to be perfect.

I’m asking you to be honest.”

Cameron nodded slowly.

“I will.

Every day.

For you.”

“And for yourself,” Nate corrected.

Cameron looked at him—finally understanding.

“Para sa sarili ko.”

And Nate finally, finally smiled.

Small.

Painful.

Real.

“Then maybe…

maybe next time, kaya na kitang piliin nang walang takot.”

Cameron held his breath.

“Nate… thank you.

For giving me another chance.”

Nate shook his head.

“Hindi pa.

Pero binibigyan kita ng pagkakataon…

na maging taong kaya kong piliin sa tamang panahon.”

Cameron closed his eyes, letting that truth settle in his bones.

Then Nate whispered—

“Cam…

please stand. Let’s go home.”

“Home?” Cameron breathed.

Nate nodded.

“Sa bahay mo.

Para makapagpahinga ka.”

He paused.

“And I’ll stay…

just for tonight.”

Cameron’s heart nearly burst.

“Is—

Is that okay…?”

Nate smiled gently.

“Huwag kang umasa nang sobra.

Pero oo.

Okay lang.”

And as they walked side by side under the quiet hospital lights…

hindi nila hawak ang isa’t isa.

Hindi pa.

Pero sa pagitan ng kanilang balikat—

may puwang.

Isang puwang na hindi puno ng takot.

Hindi puno ng suntok.

Hindi puno ng pagkukulang.

Puno ito ng pag-asa.

At minsan…

iyon na ang unang hakbang patungo sa tunay na pagpili.

THE END.